every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
