Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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