Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
