last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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