Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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