How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My life is pants optional.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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