Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
