Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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