oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
