I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
