cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
