i just wanna soil my oats bro
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
