Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
