New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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