That's intense
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
