he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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