There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
