do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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