I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
