yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
