YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
