help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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