I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
