thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
