If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
