is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
