Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?

(512): View more from Texas

Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.

(415): View more from California

Watch for tornadoes.

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(914): View more from New York

Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter

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(501): View more from Arkansas

so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...

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(931): View more from Tennessee

My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.

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(970): View more from Colorado

At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name

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(801): View more from Utah

Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.

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