i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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