I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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