$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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