fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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