This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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