someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
