dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
