I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
