i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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