OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
