I smell stomach acid.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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