I'm going to jail i love you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We need a shit load of segways right now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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