Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
