omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
