so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
