Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Duck Duck Cougar?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
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