so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
