if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
MIDGETS
????
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
