i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize