chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize