Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
