White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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