i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
