I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
