no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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