I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
