My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
