I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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