so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I checked into jail on foursquare
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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