He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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