i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
