Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize