Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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