The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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