My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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