Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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