her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
