Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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