Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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