you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
