mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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