Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm having to shit out rocks
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