when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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