I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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