Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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