You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize