I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
