Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
