I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
