If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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