Are we in a gay sports bar?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
