i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
