Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize