is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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