let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
