Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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