My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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