I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You have to summon your inner elephant
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
